Musings on a Life Inworld

Yes, here I am chilling at home with Phin after the Steelhead meeting. I am always glad to see him. We've been talking about doing some kind of podcast with our musings about life in a digital world. Who knows?

Earlier, I had watched a Dr. Phil episode. I don't normally watch, but today's was about a young guy who had a gaming addiction (looked like Call of Duty despite the blurring). It started out with Dr Phil in Second Life, custom avatar and all. I braced myself for the usual negativity, but Dr. Phil seemed to be enjoying himself, exploring, flying, trying new things. SL was featured only in the beginning and an end segment, where Linden Labs CEO Ebbe Altberg was talking about its positive benefits. Dr. Phil himself never condemned SL or video games, only the addictive behaviors that sometimes result.

Many of us have been there. When I first came to SL in 2007, I was reeling from my mom having cancer. It was a place of quiet for me in a way. I wanted to explore and build and be left alone. Then I found the Steamlands communities. I lost a job and then really got kind of sucked in. In hindsight, I was depressed and probably spent way more time inworld then than I would remotely be comfortable with now. It was an escape. Between the birth of my son in 2011 and a glitchy computer, I was away for years and came in very infrequently for special events and to talk to friends. Last year, I returned, promising myself the following: No obligations. NONE. No building. No designing. No nothing to keep me inworld. Just enjoy and slip in and out at will.

I have found a balance now in my real life and my digital one. I didn't feel the need for the type of validation that being inworld can be so seductive in providing. I have seen it so many times: how one's avatar seems more authoritative, more popular, more beautiful, more accomplished. How for some, they crave the attention. For me, I know that SL had inspired me to go to grad school. I even put it on my admissions essay. SL inspired my creativity. That it could be a place of healing and discovery. That I have made great, interesting, intelligent friends that I count among my RL ones. That if it all went away tomorrow, I have had an incredible, unforgettable experience within it.

There's a very important thing to remember as our digital lives become more evolved: It is a complement to your real life. How will you make it work for yours?

An Update for my SL Friends

Yes...those are his little feet...

Those who know me very well know I am a private person--especially when it comes to my real life, but I wanted to update you all on what has happened since the last post. The day I found out via ultrasound at 19 weeks that I was having a little boy was also the same day I was admitted to the hospital to be on strict bedrest. I went in on a Wednesday at the end of December. My docs thought I'd be home by that weekend--without a baby. I proved them all wrong. It was a very scary time for us, but I refused to believe that would be my reality.

I went on for another month to week 24--when docs consider a baby truly viable and able to survive. It was like a celebration by everyone that day. And then my water broke a few days later. Despite that, I went on for yet another month in the hospital like that and at almost 28 weeks and 3 months early, I had my son Alex two weeks ago. The staff and my docs call us a "miracle". I agree. We are a testament to positivity and what it can do.

He is doing very well in the NICU. He is strong, healthy, loud and feisty and almost 3 lbs now. He just needs to get bigger and master a few things like breathing air correctly before he can go home with us--hopefully next month. I am so thankful and happy that things worked out as they did.

I want to thank all of you so much for your support and well-wishes and good thoughts. My husband, family and I were truly touched and want you to know how much we have appreciated it. Hope to see you on the Grid again sometime. :-)

Writing in Both Lives

I am particpating in National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) in RL, so I thought it'd be fun to have a writing desk at my home inworld.

For those of you who are not familiar with NaNoWriMo, you essentially have to knock out a 175-page, 50K words manuscript in one month. I've fallen a bit behind, but I think I'll at least come close this year compared to back in '05, when I only got to 161 words. I've become much more efficient as a writer since then.

I think there's something nice about SL me writing while RL me is too...

Transformation & Transcending

Bettina Tizzy decided to cease posting on her NPIRL blog yesterday. It was always one of my faves because being an explorer like I am, I enjoyed visiting a lot of the places she discussed. It was also a great showcase of the imaginations of SL's content creators. She also gave me the opportunity to participate in the Rezzable Garden of NPIRL Delights last year. I know I was thrilled to be among some of the most creative folks on the Grid. She has said that she will continue to tweet what she finds and the inworld groups themselves are not disbanding. She has been busy in RL and I also get the feeling that she is working on something else great.

I can absolutely understand the feeling of wishing to move on to something else in a way. Blogging and keeping up with the social media of SL in addition to your RL can be demanding. I know that my friend and virtual sis-in-law Zoe Connolly recently did the same, deTwittering and dePlurking and unblogging. I do believe there is a point that one has to make a choice as to how much they wish to manage their time on SL-related activities, even if it means leaving SL altogether like Eshi did recently.

SL--and virtual worlds in general--are meant to be a complement to one's RL. We change. Our needs and wants, both inworld and out, do too. We transform and sometimes transcend them. And there is nothing wrong with that. I wish much luck for all three of them in their future endeavors, and I'm sure it's not the last any of us will hear from them.

On Travel!

Hopping "across the pond" to visit Paris again. Essentially, taking up my own challenge to return there again and give it another try after swearing I wouldn't after the last time (long story). I'll also be spending time in London--which I love--and will be visiting friends, who will take us on a side trip to Glastonbury. Looking forward to it. At least now that I've been to those cities before, I won't have to do the truly tourist-y things. I see more chill-time, cafes, and people watching in my future.

See you in 9 days! Keep the Grid warm for me!

Elle's Avatar Influences

Zoe and I had a big discussion about influences for our avatars yesterday and I promised I'd post mine too. I joked that the two of us had similar ones given our love of beautiful, curvy bombshells such as Raquel Welch and Sophia Loren:

The gorgeous Dorothy Dandridge was a big influence on my look as well...

Then of course, there is...

Thinking Out Loud...

I have been very busy inworld lately, between some building projects and trying to work on some new things for the shops. I have been more low-key lately in general, as I mainly just want to create and be with close friends that I care about. I'm still quite active in Steelhead and I love participating in the community there.

I've been busy in RL as well, between travel, RL writing and art projects, and spending time with my family. I also think I must have lost my mind as I will be taking the Foreign Service Officer Exam in two days, which is like...well, Jeopardy! with its almost quiz show-like questions, which to me--you either know or you don't. You can prep for it, but I don't think you can truly "study" for it. All of these pressing things on my RL time have been making me think again about what I want from my SL.

You know, I'm usually pretty positive. However, I often see how we treat one another while in SL, which is often in unnecessarily ugly and/or hurtful ways. I don't know if it's the relative anonymity of it all or what, but insecurities, egos, hurts and misunderstandings seem to be even more amplified in here. I often find myself thinking after reading about or even experiencing something: "For what? Why does it matter so damn much? Why do/should I even care?" I came to a simple conclusion: I can't. I often feel...tired.

Our SL is what we make of it and our purposes within it varied. All I know is I just wish to be happy while there, otherwise, why bother? I'm no angel, by any means, but I want my own SL to be a bit closer to heaven than hell. You can't change others, but you can change how you deal with it.

Just thinking out loud.

Enjoying the Lighthouse in Mayfair

Due to RL extenuating circumstances regarding Phin's job, we have decided to enjoy the pretty waterfront parcel in Caledon Mayfair as much as possible for however long he can continue to have it. It made me think about what is important, and when one has to choose between what's best for their RL vs. SL, RL must always come first. So if he needs to let go of this in the future, that bridge'll be crossed when we get to it. In the meantime, sipping wine and watching the sunset over the Caledon Firth is the moment we'll enjoy for now.

SL and Positivity

So many times when SL is discussed, negative aspects of it are often mentioned. Whether it's a shaky infrastructure or the latest resident rebellion or bad publicity of the moment, it makes you sometimes wonder why folks are even bothering to continue to be inworld at all? When trying to describe SL to others who aren't involved in it, I find that I tend to think of the good things about it and how it's helped me in my RL:

It's made me even better at Photoshop.
I was a graphic designer for years, but the things I've created inworld have challenged my skills in PS and helped me to become better at it.

I've met and made friends with some very interesting people from all over the world.
If I walked away from SL right now, I know that I have some positive, encouraging friends that I'd be happy to count now as RL ones as well.

It makes conversations about difficult topics easy to have.
Often in RL, we might feel reluctant about bringing up difficult subjects due to a feeling of being judged, embarrassed, or retribution of some sort. Due to our relative anonymity inworld, it just feels easier to more freely discuss hard topics. Technology like this has the power to help us understand each other better...not drive us apart.

Creativity inworld spurs/inspires my creativity in RL.
I find that building and creating inworld inspires my writing and artwork in RL. Being surrounded by so much inventiveness gets me going!

The altruism that others exhibit is often amazing.
My experience over and over again in SL has always been that people are more than willing to explain, give, and share with one another and their inworld community. Can you imagine if more or us behaved like that in RL too?

I feel more "plugged in" tech-wise.
I've always had a love of all things tech. My involvement with SL has made me more aware of things trend-wise in that regard, and not in a bad way.

Learning about yourself and what you're capable of inworld can be transferred to RL if you are open to it.
I think a lot about using the lessons I learn inworld about myself to benefit RL me. Why not use the positive aspects of SL you for RL you and make it work for the positive?!

It's can be absolutely fun-filled.
In the end, SL can be just plain fun and I still see it as a big world filled with interesting places to explore and learn.

So, what has SL done positively for YOU?